prodical mother

Tonight I feel like a very good mum. Yesterday I cooked a brand new meal for tea. These two statements may not seem like they are related but they are! To feel like a good mum I have to have a pretty good run(not physical run, since I am obviously allergic to exercise) but a good run at mothering. It is impossible to feel like a really good mum if I just do one nice thing, I have to do multiple things in a row without any bad things interrupting the flow. The flow of the last 24 hours started with dinner last night. I cooked a new meal; this always goes down well with Bennett (who likes to think of himself as some Michelin star chef although he had never even raised a cutting knife; except when unloading the dishwasher) There were no real compliments from Bennett as he ate my Thai green curry, but he did do his judges at Masterchef impersonation, which he only does when he is eating something he enjoys. Tick one to Mum. Later that night we read the 7th chapter of Tomorrow When The War Began together. He loves it when I read to him and I love it when I can ask him recall and inference questions. Tick two to Mum and Teacher. This morning I got Bennett into the shower without complaint, picture my amazed face here! Tick three to Mum. Tonight I baked two batches of brownies, always a winner. Tick four to Mum and Betty Crocker. Also, tonight we got through Maths homework with only one argument, this is actually a miracle on par with a statue of Jesus crying. Tick five to Mum (no thanks to stupid schools that give pointless homework) Feeling very smug. Will now go and tell Bennett it is bed time and hope that it does not ruin the dream run.

Mother's day

"Smile Bennett, make it look like you love me"

I do love this boy a lot, and I am very glad that I am his mother. Mother's day however is not really a day when I get to celebrate it, or even sit back and relax reaping in pressies while I contemplate the joys of motherhood.
Unlike some 12 year old boys, or children in general, my son does not have a father that goes out and buys a gift and then gets the child to give it to the mother, nor does he have a father who can remind him it is mother's day and get him to make breakfast in bed for the joyus mother. 12 year old boys do not think to do these things themselves. So my mother's day was the true, gritty kind. My friend suggested that we meet for brunch; I told Bennett this would be his Mother's day gift to me (him coming with me for brunch)His response was something along the lines of "WHAT!?!(said in loud, whiney voice) I would rather eat my own sock" Ok, he didn't really say he would rather eat his own sock, he said something a little harsher, but for the record eating his sock would be an excruciating punishment, since smelling his socks is something the Chinese could have used as an alternative to water torture. Anyway after much threatening to take away internet and TV privileges he decided he could indeed force himself to come with me. So in the end my Mother's day ended up with me pushing my son out the door to come and eat with me, me buying him a hearty a delicious brunch of French toast, then me taking him out clothes shopping. And he needed those clothes thanks to a very large growth spurt, and we did indeed have a good time, I can't help feeling like I landed in some strange parallel universe where it was Mothers spoil your child day.

bothersome

I have two things that are rather bothersome to me at the moment, and since I love to share...
The first bothersome thing is something(or things to be more accurate) that I have been inflicted with for years. Insomnia - sometimes I get mild patches where I lose a couple of hours sleep a night. Although this is annoying, it is manageable. Then I get the real bad kind, where i get about 2 or if I am lucky 3 hours sleep a night. This worse variety causes the second something - panic attacks. I first started getting these when I started going to University and I was suffering from lack of sleep due to writing essays in the middle of the night. The first time I had one I thought I was dying, I thought there was no way your heart could race that fast without some serious damage (plus I had no idea it was a panic attack or even what they were) I usually get these in the middle of the night when I am suffering from lack of sleep - they are scary, even though I know what they are, and sometimes I still feel like I could die (this is mostly cause adrenaline is pumping around my body at a phenomenal rate and it does not make my brain think clearly) I hate when this happens cause I get worried another one will happen and then it becomes a viscous circle. I need distraction right up until the moment I fall asleep otherwise my stupid little brain can work itself up into one.
One thing that has been distracting me lately, and is perhaps something I should have been thinking about at night instead of panic attacks, is the mysterious smell in my car. I have been on the hunt for this mysterious smell for days. I thought I had located it once when I found a container with some dodgy looking food in it. Happily I discarded it thinking I would finally have a car that didn't want to make me vomit when I hopped in, no longer would I have to wind down the windows on a freezing morning while I drove to work in a vain attempt at breathing non stench laden air. But alas, you see where this story is going, it turned out not to be the source of the smell. Then I was momentarily happy again when I found a stain on a mat, but that also turned out to be nothing but a harmless non-odourous mark. Then tonight as I was driving home, windows down, plug in air freshner on full blast I glanced over the back and saw a very thick, brown ominous stain on a blanket that had been brought into the car just over a week ago. I wanted to sing, dance and puke when I got home to discover it was cat poo(or possibly vomit, hard to tell)Mystery solved! Now I only wonder how long the smell will hang around, how much of it has forever permeated its way into the seat coverings?

Good morning - is it?

I woke up with a strange feeling today - I didn't want to go to school. I don't feel like teaching today even though I have a fairly easy day ahead of me. I just don't feel like conversing, explaining things and answering questions (vital teaching tools, AWOL today) What I feel like doing is staying in bed all day, without any interruptions from anyone, and watching dvds on my laptop. I hate those days when even saying good morning in fake cheeriness is a struggle.

Pigeon hole action

Sometimes weird little things happen in my life. Like once I found a bunch of flowers on my mailbox - no note, no nothing - I just thought they may have got left there by mistake - but, maybe not! Today I received a parcel in my pigeon hole at work, I was kinda excited cause how often do you get something nice, or something not worth throwing the in the nearest available bin in your pigeon hole? In my experience of pigeon hole action at both schools, there is usually nothing worth keeping. There have been some notable exceptions. For example, the pigeon hole fairy who once left a small chocolate bar in everyone's pigeon hole at Wainui, and the secret Easter bunny at East but more often than not all you get is junk. Anyway, back to the parcel - I was on my way to class when I noticed it sitting innocently in my pigeon hole, but of course I delayed my journey to educate the minds of our future to open the mystery parcel. I needed to see what it was and who it was from (they had mysteriously left their name off the back of the parcel even though it was sent through the post) After finding some scissors to open those tricky pre-paid plastic parcels from post shop (oh the alliteration!) I found inside some rather nice stockings with a little note on it saying "Fflur, you'll look stunning in these, maybe catch you sometime :)" NO NAME!!!! FREAK ALERT!
So many questions here for my over analysing mind - 1. who sends something without their name? Not really endearing, only creepy. 2. how presumptuous to think I will look stunning in them, note to weirdo, I will not be wearing them! 3. "maybe catch you sometime?" - catch me and kill me? or catch up? if you want us to catch up here is a little tip for you - put your name on the parcel, can hardly catch someone I don't know. 4. putting a smiley face at the end of a message without a name does not make me think kind thoughts toward you, in fact it is just even that much more creepy.
All said and done, next time I get a parcel in my pigeon hole I won't be so excited, in fact I may not even open it.

Keeping promises

Tomorrow morning I will be getting up very early. Not just very early for a Sunday (which would be about 8:30 or 9) No, I am planning on getting up at just after 5!!! In my world, this is actually night and getting up at this time is like going for a poo in someone's house that you have only just met - it's just not done. Any how because I am such a good mother, my complete horror at getting up at such an ungodly hour is outweighed by a promise I made to Bennett many years back, and it has been a promise that I have been putting off for too long - to take him to the dawn service.
I always take Bennett down to the cenotaph because he likes to put his poppy on the tomb of the unknown soldier and write in the visitors book about how his great grandfather went to war. This year I showed him the information you can find online about my great uncles who died in the war, he now wants to put two poppies on the tomb for them. I remember when I was a young teenager and I viewed everything passionately, but very black and white. When I saw the world this way I thought it was ridiculous that we had ANZAC day because war was pointless, stupid and not something we should celebrate (which is what I thought we were doing) Although I basically still hold the same view on war I think it is very important that we remember, and instill in our younger generation to remember, those who did go to war. My grandfather never spoke about the war, never. The pain he must have carried about what he saw and did is something I can never imagine. The pain he felt at losing a brother, and a brother in law and countless friends is not something I can imagine, nor something we should forget. Tomorrow when they play the Last Post I know I will have a tear in my eye (I always do at that song) but I will be thinking of them and all the other young people that went to war and came back changed people or didn't come back at all.

School life

I have been back at school for 3 days, and even though I was sick for some of those days and am feeling really tired after sleeping badly last night, I have to say they have been really enjoyable days. I have had some really interesting and thought provoking conversations with my year 12 English class about change - is it positive?, why don't we like it?, is it important?, and other in depth stuff that they talk about and I nod my head and say "good point (insert girls name here - probably something like Madison or Isabelle)"
I have also been doing a Melodrama unit with my Year 11 Drama class, these girls are quite possibly THE cutest class ever! I love them, they do everything I ask and give it 110 percent. This means I have loads of fun every day with them. Today I spent quite a bit of time giving feedback on how to move as a stock character and it was totally enjoyable - giving feedback fun? what planet have I landed on?
I have also started teaching dance, or movement as I like to call it, to my Year 9 and 10 classes - It is the most fun I have had since I last got drunk - except you don't get a hangover! When the girls performed their 'holiday' dance scenes they had created I was smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt - they were so much fun.
I love that I love my job right now, I love that I am about to head off to see the Year 13 Drama class perform their monologues tonight, and I love that I get to share it, even if it is not something anyone wants to listen to.